By my 4th visit to BsAs, I don't start shooting my eyes around the salon for a cabeceo invitation as soon as I sit down in a milonga. Must say it's a bit of a dilemma - you're new to the scene, people want to see how you dance before inviting you, you want the same but you have nobody to dance with in order to be seen! On the other hand, it's also unwise to jump straight into a dance without scanning the floor and the dancers first for you never know what you'd get.

 

Going with male friends who dance well can often "jump start" my chances on the dance floor. But if they are not available, I have no choice but to start the evening with people watching while sipping cafe con leche at my table. Occasionally I'd dash a gleam at a few men who happen to be in my line of sight. To survive in the strictly coded tango world in BsAs, a woman (esp. one who's a visitor) needs guts. You can write a bible on this subject. Conquer the fear of looking people in the eye if you want to dance. It's almost like staring at men until they notice you! Sometimes even that's not enough, one has to get up and walk around to catch the eyeballs from tangueros at the bar or the tables across the floor so they know you exist! However, you'd be surprised to know that they actually appreciate your doing that.

 

I always look for someone with a nice embrace when I spot for potential partners. The embrace is the most ancient and basic form of human connection. A beautiful embrace almost feels like the womb (guys, don't take it literally) where I am intimately connected to the other. It is as though my partner and I are part of each other's body.

 

I can tell 80% of the time whether I'd have a wonderful time with this man as soon as he wraps his arms around me. The energy coming from a firm but tender embrace has magical powers. A good embrace is more than just arms and is made up of a few basic elements - height (specific to yours), posture, axis and, most importantly, heart - I need all of them! An embrace with proper posture/axis without heart is cold. To have heart is to listen carefully to the partner (and his/her body). It's an art to be learned. How often do people truly listen to the opposite sex in real life anyway? 

 

Of couse the tango is a whole lot more than an embrace - you need the music, the floor, the walk, etc, but the embrace is the beginning of all. A great tango is when the couple eloguently communicate inner feelings with the simplest outward forms (steps). So before you make a salida with your partner on the floor next time, pls check your embrace, pause and listen for a moment. If you can't already establish that connection at the beginning, chances are you won't for the rest of the dance.